Walking it Off

What up peeps, DK here. Sorry for the not getting around to the recap of last week’s game sooner but shit’s been crazy at Casa de Kimbrough the past few days. One of mom’s cats ran away so she made me hang up a bunch of “lost” signs all over the neighborhood. Like she really needs to find Captain Whiskerbottom or whatever the fuck she calls him. She’s got four other cats that do nothing but piss on the carpet and make the house smell like a god damn chicken coop. Hopefully the rest of them run away too.

Anyway, I know you guys really came here to find out how your boy Donnie Kickball and his squad did last week, and you shall not be disappointed! So the team we played last week was actually from our company’s other branch across town. Needless to say, I’ve had this one circled on my calendar for a while. And there was no way that douche-tard Noah was stealing my thunder this week. I was gonna tell Janelle and Dowripple to suck on my nuts if they wanted Noah to alternate innings with me again but Damon, our third baseman, is in El Paso for a trade show so they stuck Noah there.

We got off to a bit of a rocky start as the other team jumped out to a 4-0 lead in the first inning thanks in no small part to a throwing error by Noah. I don’t know how many times I have to tell everyone to just HOLD ONTO THE BALL IF YOU DON’T HAVE A PLAY!! God I hate that guy…

But fear not, Donnie Kickball wasn’t about to let some amateur sink his ship. I came up in the bottom of the 3rd with the bases jacked and sent one deep into right field. The girl out there tried to make a catch but the ball went through her hands and bounced right off her face and into foul territory. That’s right, a bases clearing triple to bring us within one. Janelle came up after me and popped out to the pitcher to end the inning, but there was a little magic left for Kick Balls Deep.

We tied the game in the 5th and by the bottom of the 6th and we were up against the time limit, so we knew this was our last chance. I was the third kicker due up, so I figured if just one person could get on base in front of me, I could drive them in and win this thing. Miguel from HR was the first one up and he tried to bunt to get on, but their pitcher had a rocket arm and threw him out at first. Jamie, my cubemate, was up next and she popped out to the 3rd baseman. I came up knowing my team’s fate was on the line, so I was going to make sure I got a good pitch. I worked it to a 3-1 count and knew I was in the pitcher’s head. He rolled ball four outside so I began to trot to first. As I was going I noticed none of the infielders were paying much attention so as soon as I got to first I took off sprinting toward 2nd and dove in safely just in front of a throw from the pitcher. That’s right, your boy stole second on a walk in kickball! Our secretary, Samantha came up after me and blooped one over the first baseman’s head and I came screaming around 3rd and into home for the winning run.

Walk it off Balls Deep, that was a good one.